Understand Me Not

We are unique individuals with our own experiences, feelings, emotions, and values. We discuss the issues around our communication and expectations from one another. Why is it so important to be understood?  Listen in on this episode as Coach Sandra explains why not expecting everyone to share our perspectives identically is a healthier approach. 

About the Madisel Group

MADISEL—Making A Difference In Someone Else’s Life!!

The MADISEL Group provides Behavior & Emotional Wellness Coaching services providing emotional and mental health wellness to youth & parents! We offer products and coaching/counseling services. No matter if it is crisis prevention or working on rebuilding broken relationships through improved communication, we are here to serve you. Therefore, we say: #BeWellNow!! 

Growth & Change are difficult tasks at any level of development. We all have blind spots and require help with seeing ourselves from the right perspective. Family is our greatest resource, let us help you keep it functioning well! 

“Family wellness strengthens the community. Strong communities influence the world.” by Sandra D. Johnson, MHSC

Madisel Group, LLC created and supports the #NewNarrative & #BeWellNow Initiatives. These initiatives propose that we each become more aware of the importance of our emotional and mental wellness by actively working to strengthen those areas. A change in the behaviors of what we think, say, and do are required. 

Production Credits

This episode of Words Fitly Spoken was recorded and edited by Mix Theory Studios, a music and multimedia studio located in downtown Jacksonville, Florida. This show features the MADISEL Group’s official song, an original music track written, mixed and mastered by Punchboi and DJ PM, the music production team of Mix Theory Studios.

Click the picture to gain a better understanding of your feelings and emotions and get yourself an Emotional Wellness Kit!! 

Support our Show at BeWell MADISEL Store

The BeWellNow Emotional Wellness Kit is a full set of colorful, fun, two-sided informational cards that speak to all the key areas of our behavior and relational dynamics. 

This is a one of a kind resource that will continue to challenge, strengthen, and encourage your emotional and mental wellbeing. Topic examples that are discussed: Communication, Relational Conflict, Respect, Empathy, Anger, and Entitlement. There are over 18 different powerful resources in this one kit!! Cards are mainly 5×7 in size and are housed in a protective 7×9 plastic envelope.

Product target groups: Parents at any stage.

Show Episode Transcripts (10:41)

Welcome to at MADISEL Coach and MADISEL TV’s Words Fitly Spoken podcast. Hello there. I’m Coach Sandra, and I’m the host of Words Fitly Spoken podcast. Words Fitly spoken are words spoken at the right time for your encouragement and enrichment. On this podcast, we will deal with emotional and mental wellness by talking about the conflicts we have in our everyday relationships, whether at home, work, school, and the community.

Stop in to hear some helpful words that create awareness about your emotional health. Welcome back to MADISEL Coach. So glad you guys have come back in to connect with us. Let’s talk about feelings, right? We all have them. We have these experiences of our feelings, our emotions. Even our values, but there’s something recently that really got my attention and someone had written a text message and in the message I, I just noticed that they were really wanting the other person to understand them.

I see where we, we really fight, um, to be understood all the time. I need someone to understand me. So it made me think about how we are interacting with our emotions and our feelings, our our need to be understood. Uh, what, what do I value, uh, what are my experiences? And it really helped me to understand

that none of those things are identical. So here’s what I mean by that. Um, when sometimes when we’re writing or we’re, we’re wanting to express something to someone else, we want them to feel what we feel or experience what we have experienced. And without saying it, we want them to experience it and feel it the exact same

way. That is impossible. My experience is my experience. My feelings are my feelings. My emotions are my emotions. My values, those are my values, and those things are all interconnected. So when we’re writing to get something across to someone or we’re, we’re, we’re talking, we wanna, we wanna make, um, someone understand us, it’s really not fair to do that to other humans because we don’t have identical feelings.

You see what hurts me? Though it may hurt you. It won’t hurt you the same way that it hurts me. And what word hurts you? Uh, the way it hurts you. It won’t hurt me the same way ’cause we don’t have identical feelings, emotions, experiences, or values. Those things are unique to each one of us, individually, and we really have to embrace that.

I think there’s, there’s strength in embracing that. There’s beauty in embracing it. Um, I believe there’s freedom when we truly embrace that these things don’t have to be identical, and then I don’t have to force you to understand me. So many conversations and really the conflicts that will come because of those conversations they all come back to, I didn’t feel understood.

No one understands me. Why do we truly need to understand each other? I can still have empathy for you, even if I don’t understand your unique experience, your unique values. So if I looked at myself as being unique, and then I look at you as also being unique, we can still coexist. I can take the pressure off of you to always have to understand me.

I think we really need to put more energy into understanding what’s happening inside of us. How am I uniquely made? What are my feelings and emotions? Why are they important to me and why do I insist that those same feelings and emotions are important to someone else? We really, um, are to be experiencing these things ourselves and working through them so that we can have better relationships.

But remember, you have a relationship with yourself. You’ve gotta get to know you and understand you, so you understand how to move and to have healthier relationships in your family, in your, uh, communities at the workplace. All again, if we would just spend time not wanting all of these things to be identical.

So you are beautifully unique as a human. You have your own emotions. You have your own feelings. You have your own experiences. You have your own values, and yes, you have your own hurts. Your hurt is absolutely important. My hurts are absolutely important. They do not have to be identical. We don’t have to have the same experiences.

We don’t have the same values. Even though we value the same thing, it’s still not the same value. We can both have the experience of an emotion of happy. You are happy. I’m happy. My happy is at 79%. Your happy might be at 112. Your happy is not more important than my happy. My happy is not less important than yours.

We’re both happy and you only know what your happy is like. You don’t know what my happy feels like. I don’t know what your happy feels like. I don’t know what you’re sad feels like, but I know what it means to be sad. So again, I can have empathy without having the identical experience.

The point… can we please stop pressuring each other to understand everything about me? If I’m having a problem, I’m mad at you because you don’t understand what this problem is and why this problem is important. It doesn’t take you off the hook to listen. You still need to be sensitive. You still need to pay attention.

You still need to stay aware that someone you care about is upset, they’re hurting, they’re disappointed. The person who is carrying the hurt, the sadness, the disappointment, they need to not pressure you to understand everything about that experience. It’s uniquely yours. So I think we have to learn to take the pressure off each other and do better with being our beautiful, unique selves and honoring everybody’s experience.

Your experience is your story. Your story is your journey. Your journey is your life.

You’re worth it. I’m worth it. Thank you very much for taking the time to think about this for just a few minutes. Process. Values. Experiences. Feelings. Emotions. It’s okay if you don’t understand me. I wanna make sure I understand me. Again, I’ll say that it’s okay if you don’t understand me. I need to make sure I am understanding me and stop holding you hostage to always have to understand me.

Thanks again for stopping by. We enjoy having you. We enjoy connecting with you. Come back and listen to more episodes. You can follow us on @ MADISEL Coach on every platform. We’re everywhere. Twitter, Instagram. We’re at Facebook. We also have a podcast, audio podcast video here at MADISEL TV on YouTube.

Thanks again. We appreciate you. Bye-bye.