The most announced position in the world- “I’m the parent”. Who is in charge of the relationship? Both parties (young people and adults) are responsible for their own portion of every relationship. In this podcast we discuss how this announcement is having a negative outcome on family relationships. I dare you to stop making this announcement.
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This episode of Words Fitly Spoken was recorded and edited by Mix Theory Studios, a music and multimedia studio located in downtown Jacksonville, Florida. This show features the MADISEL Group’s official song, an original music track written, mixed and mastered by Punchboi and DJ PM, the music production team of Mix Theory Studios.
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Strategic Parenting for the 21st Century: Not My Enemy. This is a helpful resource for building and restoring a helpful process for parenting the young people of the 21st century. The book has practical examples and encouragement for parenting at every stage. Topics are Power Struggles, Relational Conflicts, and Engagement.
Show Episode Transcripts
Welcome to at MADISEL Coach and MADISEL TV’s Words Fitly Spoken podcast. Hello there. I’m Coach Sandra, and I’m the host of Words Fitly Spoken podcast. Words Fitly spoken are words spoken at the right time for your encouragement and enrichment. On this podcast, we will deal with emotional and mental wellness by talking about the conflicts we have in our everyday relationships, whether at home, work, school, and the community.
stop in to hear some helpful words that create awareness about your emotional health. Hey everybody, welcome back in to Words Fitly Spoken at MADISEL coach. We are glad to have you back in with us again today on this.
episode. We are going to talk about just a really quick statement. I’m going to try to be brief with this. It is a powerful thing and I run into it all the time as I deal with family issues, family dynamics, family, emotional wellness. I, I hear the parent use this phrase, which is the title, I’m the parent, I’m the parent.
Make a little quick adjustment here. Yes. So I’m the parent. So it concerns me. Why is this the most announced position in all of humanity? I do not hear people saying I’m the manager. When I hear I’m the boss, it’s usually the parent saying I’m the boss. I’m the parent. It’s an announcement. We are announcing this to children.
Sometimes, maybe in a school setting, a teacher or a school official might say, I’m the adult. Again, I don’t think our age and status needs to be announced in our relationships. I’m the mom. I’m the dad. I’m the grandparent. Why are we having to announce this position? to children, young people, young adults.
What I have found is that the children involved on the other side of the announcement, they’re not confused about your title. Usually it’s because of a power struggle that’s going on in the relationship. That means both people are struggling for power. A power struggle is happening. Um, a simple way of talking about that is one person, On this side of the struggle wants their way and the other person on the other side of the struggle wants their way both parties think they’re right.
And even if they don’t honestly believe that they’re right, they’re going to fight for being right. They’re going to fight for being right. So the announcement. is a way of gaining more control, more power in the relationship. Again, the children and the young people are not really concerned about your title, your position as a parent.
They don’t want to be necessarily the parent in the situation. Now they are. Maybe arguing for their status as the adult or it could be I’m old enough To make my own decisions Even if they’re not saying I’m the adult they are saying I should be able to have my own Independence because I have my own ideas.
I have my own thoughts all of that’s true. We can’t And I don’t believe that adults want to keep children from being adults Sometimes I do see where the adults trying to control the outcome of what kind of an adult that that child becomes. I don’t believe that that’s our responsibility either. That adult, or that, excuse me, that child becoming an adult, a young person in transition to An adult at whatever age, they are learning the process.
Sometimes they are doing it, um, by fighting with the parent all the time or not listening or even ignoring. That’s another one that’s giving the parent the silent treatment, um, is still a way of being, um, having discord and having some type of rebellion in the relationship. But I really think the adult needs to stop announcing their position.
I don’t need to remind the child that I’m the parent. There was no confusion about that. I think that young persons just want to be, they want to be heard. So the parent, instead of using your energies to announce your status, your position, your identity, maybe keep that energy redirected to slowing things down And listening.
What am I missing? Daughter? What am I missing? Son? What am I missing? Young person? Because I really want to take my energy to announce my position. And I just think it’s a waste of not only a waste of words, but it’s a waste of emotional energy. You’re going to need that emotional energy for something else.
So I’m encouraging you to stop announcing your status in the family. You came to earth before that young person did. No matter what role you’re in. No matter what additional title you may carry. Step parent, right? Or bonus parent. Whatever phrases you may use. You shouldn’t have to announce your adulthood.
You just have to walk in it. And that means I listen. That means I don’t have to have the last word. It means I don’t have to have the answer. You don’t have to figure everything out for that young person.
It would be helpful if you chose not to be on the other side of that power struggle. They are going to, part of development, remember adults, we’ve all been there. We didn’t just come to earth as adults. We came as babies, right? And we had to grow, we had to process, we had to develop, we had to yield to authority.
We wanted to be heard, we wanted to be valued, we wanted to be appreciated, even if we didn’t have the right words. Our emotions and our, uh, development sometimes was so complex and confusing, but we’re here. We survived it. We want them to survive it too. Um, so how do we help them? And I think it’s, we choose not to be the, the one struggling on the other side for power.
I don’t need power in someone else’s life. And really that’s what a power struggle is. Who has the authority? Who’s the boss? We have to pull those words back. We’ve got to pull back on that. I don’t really need, I don’t think even as a parent or the police or a teacher, like do we really need to be the boss of someone else?
Do we need to be, um, such a giant in their life? Cause a lot of times that giant looks like they’re dominating the scenario. You’re dominating the story. You’re dominating the relationship. Sometimes the boss is a monster.
So I think it’s something we have to check. The announcement of your position should not be the lead in for a healthy relationship. And I’m saying it won’t be. If you’re announcing all the time that you’re the parent, you’re announcing all the time that you’re in charge, the person on the other side of that probably doesn’t want to spend a lot of time with you.
You’re the person they’re trying to avoid. Pay attention to that. You don’t have to announce it. Y’all are in relationship. Everyone has different roles and responsibility in a relationship, in a family.
Sometimes we haven’t agreed at what those responsibilities are or we haven’t explained what we bring to that. Unity, what we bring to that family, what we bring to that relationship. Maybe you need to announce that. Here’s what I bring to the relationship. I am going to be responsible to pay the bills.
This is the adult. I’ll be responsible to encourage you. Um, I’m going to be responsible for making sure you’re able to get to where you need to be by driving you around town. I’m taking that responsibility. You know me as the parent. I go by the title of mom or dad, uncle, aunt, grandparent, whatever title is attached to you.
I shouldn’t have to keep announcing it throughout our relationship. Do they really forget? Or is it about the adult who makes the announcement? Are you feeling insecure? And so I would then say, it will be better. It’s going to cause less of a conflict. Because that’s what I want you to avoid when possible.
Especially when they lead to a very heavy brokenness. You may need to lead with, instead of saying, I’m the parent. You may need to lead with I’m feeling threatened in my position right now. Oh my goodness what would happen if you were actually honest about what you were feeling with a young person With a person that you call your child Person you call your daughter or your son what would happen if they actually heard you show vulnerability?
Do you really think they’re going to eat you alive? Do you really think they’re going to take advantage of that? It might be the biggest lesson they learn in their minor non adult yet years. It might be one of the biggest lessons they learn because they just saw the person they love, the one who they know as their parent or their authority, actually say, I feel weak.
And it could actually cause that young person to then back down to recognize, wow, I might be making my parent feel like I’m taking advantage of them, or I don’t appreciate them. Hey, you don’t know until you try it. So I’m encouraging you adults stop announcing your position. Thank you. You shouldn’t have to tell your young person that you’re the parent.
I believe they already know that. I believe that they’re, if they’re asked that by a stranger, they’re going to be able to point you out in a crowd. That’s my parent right there. That’s my mom. That’s my dad. That’s my guardian. That’s my teacher.
For the young adults who may listen to this, you do this behavior as well. When you say the phrase I’m almost grown or you’ll say I’m an adult I’m grown Again, you’re announcing a position that you feel threatened That’s the reason you’re announcing it and on another podcast. I will deal with that topic.
But this one This is for the adults. This is for the parents. Hear me, be encouraged. And I need to tell you, thank you. In case your young person has not told you, I appreciate you. You have ushered in leaders for our tomorrows. It’s important what you invest in them. So thank you. Be encouraged. Make whatever changes you need to make, keep showing up.
Thanks for stopping by. You’re welcome to drop a comment, a question, your thoughts, your opinions. We welcome it all. Thank you so much. Please like this. Please comment on it. Please share it. And don’t forget to subscribe. Words Fitly Spoken at MADISEL Coach. Bye bye.